Flipping the Switch

Lately I've felt stuck in a rut not really seeing any forward motion from hard work I've been putting in towards some of my personal goals. Needless to say it's been frustrating.  What happened to all my hard work, I wondered? All my "blood, sweat and tears?" Does it just evaporate into nothingness? 

There is an idea in Judaism that every action you take or prayer you utter has an effect, if not now then later. As above, so below -- there are repercussions to everything we do in this world it just sometimes takes time to see their effects, like a stone tossed in the water it takes time for the ripples to disseminate out. 

A couple of weeks ago I got a What's App message from one of my dear friends in England.  I had picked up my phone to see 10 What's App messages from her, then 11, then 12, then 13, then 14. They kept increasing and not only that but it was at least two o'clock in the morning her time.  Okay, "What's going on?"  I wondered.  I picked up my phone and read through her messages somewhat in disbelief. 

About 3 years ago someone had written an article about inspiring Jewish quotes and I had contributed one of my favorite quotes along with a short sentence describing why I connected to it and found it inspiring. That day my friend had What's App'ed me she saw my name and the quote posted on the Facebook status of her former neighbor.  He had been involved in a terrible life threatening accident several years ago and had posted it on the anniversary of the accident saying how grateful he was to have survived.   

What are the chances that my friend would see my quote with the sentence I wrote posted on her former neighbor's Facebook wall? The truth was I submit that quote and afterwards thought nothing of it.  After hearing this story I got major goosebumps.  You may be standing there flipping the switch and not seeing the light but somewhere in the world the light is shining for someone.

So what was the quote I submit to this article and that my friend's neighbor posted on his Facebook page? I'm sure you're wondering... :) 

"The salvation of G-d came come in the blink of an eye." 
--Pesikta Zutreta, Esther 4:17

No matter how bleak something may look, salvation could be just around the corner. God can change everything in the blink of an eye. This quote teaches us to always have hope; redemption can come at any moment.

Opening the Door

We are officially in the last two weeks before the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashana. The name of the game now is personal growth and how we maximize ourselves to get the most out of the big day.

For me that means going over my personal growth goals from last year and figuring out if I hit my projections or if I came up short. In addition it means setting a few new goals moving forward.  Yes, this means reflecting on our successes but as much as we might try to avoid it, it also means taking an honest look at and evaluating where we could put in some more effort as well.  

No goal will work however if it's not backed by the two secret ingredients of self confidence and self esteem.  If my goal is not gossiping about other people and from the get go I walk around saying, "I'll never be able to watch what I say about other people, I'm not a rabbi!" Then our self-limiting belief about our personal success in this area is killing it from the get go and you're dead in the water.  

King Soloman said, "The door turns on its hinge and the lazy man on his bed." Rabbi Pincus translates the hinge in this analogy as a person's self concept and goes on to say that "The way you define yourself is the level you assign yourself." 

We can only open a door as far as the hinge will allow the door to swing.  When you have a limiting self concept you're preventing the door to a higher level of possibilities in your life from opening.  When you are able to really work on your goals and believe that you not only can but will achieve them the door swings open and the sky is the limit.  I wish you all much success in achieving your goals this new year and may the door to much blessing swing open for you. 

Living in the Construction Zone

We have officially hit that time of year, the prelude to Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year.  Without fail the minute I'm 30 days out I start to get my game plan together so I can hit the ground running full momentum, game on. There's an idea in Judaism that before our spiritual review on Rosh Hashana it's a good idea to do a "cheshbon ha nefesh" a literal accounting of the soul or annual report on your life over the course of the last year. 

This year I have to admit I was less than excited in the time leading up to the 30 days and frankly lagging a bit behind with my soul searching.  I know where I came from last year, I know what I accomplished this past year but what's my projection for the coming year? Things didn't exactly turn out the way I had hoped they would and in fact there were many things that occurred that left me scratching my head in confusion.  "How does this fit into my bigger picture?" I wondered.  

One of my favorite authors, Rabbi Pincus, presents an idea that your life could be compared to a construction zone.  Before construction begins the plan is drawn up and you're able to see the end embedded in the beginning. The result is seen reflected in the inception of the plans and you're able to visualize the outcome. Once you commence construction things can sometimes happen unexpectedly: unforseen delays, you end up spending more money than you thought you would, mistakes, messes, etc.  In fact people walking by your construction site might even take in the mess and wonder, "What the heck are they building here? It's indiscernible that it could be any kind of structure at all." 

Each challenge that we face during our construction process adds an important element to the completed structure of our lives.  That challenge during childhood? It poured the concrete and laid your foundation. The years of work it took working on your anger issues; that built the framework of your building. The struggle to find work after 3 years of being laid off...reinforced storm doors that can weather anything.  

The same goes for us in our lives.  You draw up your personal game plan decked out with your goals and personal intentions and set to work but not always do our plans sync up with the reality of G-d's master plan.  The important thing is to remember that the effort and intention is what counts and each thing that seems like a delay or inconvenience is really helping add to the beauty of the finished structure.  It's true we may not be clued in to the grand plan of how everything will ultimately turn out but who knows? What looks like a hole in the ground now with skeletal beams and random piping might some day soon come to rival the Chrysler Building.  

Specialized Equipment

I was talking to one of my friends the other day about the wonderful world of dating and she gave me so much inspiration through our conversation.  She had been an "older" single and hadn't gotten married until she was in her mid 40's. At the end of our conversation I thanked her and told her that no one else is able to inspire me the way she does.  She said that maybe this was the reason she had to be single for so long? So that she could have the tools to help others in the same position she was in. 

There is an idea in Judaism that every soul is equipped with exactly the tools they need to accomplish their goals in this world. I heard a story told that before each soul comes down they ask G-d for challenges (tools) in order to help them accomplish their unique goals during their time on earth.  "If you give me this I'll be able to achieve that," or "If I go through that experience it will help me do this." 

We may complain and ask ourselves questions like, "Why did I have to go through this experience?" or "Why did I get stuck with these relationships?" but each situation we are in and each interaction we have is a custom tailored "tool" to help us achieve our goals in this world. As much as my friend loathed her single years though her resilience and with her unique brand of humor she is able to use the "tool" of her painful experience for the greater goal of helping all the rest of us continue to keep our smiles as we muddle through the same situation ourselves. 

The Launch Forward

I had a series of challenges recently one after the other they came fast and furious.  I vented my frustration to a friend who reassured me this meant that something amazing was coming around the corner.  I thought maybe she had misheard me so I paused and asked her, "Did you not hear what I was just telling you? One after the other...boom, boom, boom."  She reassured me again that this meant that something amazing was in store for me right around the corner. 

There is a concept in Judaism of "Yeridah t'zorech aliyah" which literally means descent for the purposes of ascent.  If you think about it anytime in life where you need propulsion there is a period of exertion or descent before hand: jumping down on a diving board to go up, taking a running head start in order to get momentum for a big jump or even the pulling back of a slingshot in order to launch something a great distance.  

It's only through being pushed to your limits that you are able to move forward to a greater place in life. You may think that each challenge is setting you back further and further but really each challenge is an opportunity which will ultimately propel you farther in the bigger picture.  

Now when hit with a challenge I try to remind myself that I'm not moving backwards, I'm being set up for a major fast forward.  It doesn't minimize the struggle of the challenge when I'm in it but it definitely helps give me the strength to push through with thoughts in my head of my impending launch. 

The Happiness Choice

I woke up this morning on the proverbial "wrong side of the bed."  I knew the minute my feet hit the floor that something was off and I needed to course correct if I wanted to make the best out of the day ahead of me.  I also knew that I was meeting up with Mel, my study partner, today and that showing up to our meeting with a scowl on my face would shatter her image of me as a paragon of self actualization. At that moment I had a decision to make. 

Happiness is a choice every moment of the day.  Do I give up my happiness to fear, anger, sadness and frustration OR do I choose to be happy in spite of what I can't control and what is not meeting my expectation/s? 

There is a Jewish story about The Maggid of Mezritch.  His students questioned him as to how it was possible to be happy in life for both the good and the seemingly bad? He told them that they would find out the answer to their question if they went to visit Reb. Zusha. They travelled to his home and found him dressed in worn and torn clothes sitting in a dilapidated house. They asked him their question and he replied puzzled, "I really don't know why he sent you to me.  You should find someone who's really suffering and ask them that question." To Reb. Zusha everything was good because he made the choice internally to accept it and be happy no matter what the external reality looked like. 

When we let the emotions of our unmet expectations overtake us it doesn't actually serve us in a positive way. It only increases personal suffering and doesn't change the situation.  If you're waiting for this to happen before you're happy or that to change before you're happy or for that purchase before you're happy then you're constantly on the treadmill putting your happiness in the hands of something external to yourself.  It's pretty empowering to shift perspective and realize that the choice is ultimately yours. 

I did end up meeting with Mel today and she shared with me some of the challenges she has been going through.  I told her that perfect is never gonna happen and we have to get complete with life how it comes.  She told me that she sees how I choose to be happy despite the circumstances and challenges of my life.  Little did she know that some days it's harder to make that choice than others. 

Sweet Surrender

Growing up I always had this vision in my mind of how I wanted things to be. I was going to get married to guy "X" by 29, have my first kid by the age of 30 and have written my first book by the age of 35.  Did any of those things happen? NO! None of those things happened.  In fact if you would have told me that this was the way my life was going to unfold I would have laughed in your face followed by a big, "Yah, right!"  That's the thing about being the oldest child with the "overachiever" mentality...you believe that if you push hard enough and keep yourself focused you can achieve anything. Life doesn't always turn out the way we envision it and the struggle becomes, "What's next?" For me the answer was accepting what's in front of me and appreciating it while simultaneously letting go and opening myself up to what lies ahead down the road and around the corner. Piece of cake right? 

I read a story once about a little girl who had hoped for a party at home with friends for her birthday.  She had not been privy to any plans but she felt fairly certain her parents would surprise her. The day came and the hours passed and still no friends and still no party.  She observed her parents with expectant longing waiting for them to surprise her but it never happened.  Resigned to the reality of the situation she locked herself in her room and refused to come out despite her parents exhortations.  What she didn't realize however was that her parents were on the other side of the door holding birthday balloons and waiting to drive her to a surprise party where her friends were waiting for her at her favorite restaurant. 

When we get "locked up" on the one way we're convinced something has to happen we cut ourselves off from other options we might not have even realized were possible.  Although we may have a certain way we envision our lives unfolding, G-d has ENDLESS ways to send gifts and blessings into our lives.  He is able to give things to us and bring us to places in ways we didn't even know were possible. When you come out of your vision and let go of holding on so tight to the one way you imagined something happening you open yourself up to other possibilities.  It might not happen on your time table and it might not happen the way you thought it would but there is a good chance it will happen and it will be beyond anything you could have conceived.  Are there still things I'm waiting for? YES.  But I've learned to be more flexible about how these things could come to me.  For now I've learned to sit back, relax and enjoy the adventure along the way.  Give it a try.  All you have to do is take the first step: open up the door and let go.  You have no idea what surprises could be waiting for you on the other side. 

Acting As If

There is this one conductor on the train into New York on my morning commute who always seems to get me in the right frame of mind for the day.  Usually by the time I hit the train Monday morning I'm already psyched out trying to brace myself for the challenges of the work week to come.  Without fail as soon as we roll into Penn Station this conductor is wishing us all a safe and pleasant day and even reminding us to chug water on these New York City summer scorchers. Every time I hear his cheerful announcements it never fails to trigger a mental switch which helps me get the day started with a positive attitude and a sunny disposition.  "You know what, he's right! It IS going to be a great day!" 

There is a Jewish idea that what you believe you perceive or your thoughts create your reality. There is a well known story about a man who was constantly in a bad mood and always had a frown plastered on his face.  He was extremely unpleasant and no one in his town wanted to be around him as he projected his negativity out wherever he went.  One of the rabbi's in the town told him to wear this mask with a smiling face on it for the next 30 days and by the end of that time they would remove it and see if his attitude had changed at all.  Wouldn't you know that by the end of the 30 day test period when they removed the mask this man had a permanently plastered smile across his face. After living under the pretense of being a happy person he began to believe himself what he was trying to make others believe about him. 

I try to keep this idea in mind whenever I begin to feel my thoughts get the better of me and try to push me down the rabbit hole.  Acting "as if" can not only change your outlook and what you're projecting out but what you're creating for yourself as well.  Some days it's as simple as locking onto a pleasant wish from a train conductor and building off of that. 

Groundhog Day

Did you ever wake up in the morning, hit the snooze button on your alarm clock and think "Ugh...not this day again?" I can definitely say that I've felt this way once or twice :) Every morning on my walk to the train I see the same two ladies walking with the baby stroller and the same crossing guard directing traffic at the intersection at the end of my block.  When you're stuck in the daily pattern of your life it can sometimes start to feel like you're trapped in a repetitive cycle of events that don't seem to be changing.  

In one of my favorite movies,"Groundhog Day," the lead character is stuck living the same day over and over and over again.  Initially he tries to manipulate the situations for his personal gain but that doesn't break the cycle. Then he decides to reject the situation and end his life to get out of it.  That doesn't work either. Only when he accepts his situation and tries to make the best out of it does he finally wake up to a different day.   

There is a famous Jewish story about Reb. Zusha and how when he was passing away he cried, "When I pass from this world and appear before the Heavenly Tribunal, they won't ask me, 'Zusha, why weren't you as wise as Moses or as kind as Abraham,' rather, they will ask me, 'Zusha, why weren't you Zusha?' Why didn't I fulfill my potential, why didn't I follow the path that could have been mine." 

Many times in life we have a vision of how we expect things to be. Ultimately we're not in control of how our life unfolds but only our reaction to the things that happen around us.  What Reb. Zusha was worried about was not whether or not he was able to change his path and best someone else in what they accomplished, but if he was able to embrace HIS OWN path and maximize the potential of what he could have accomplished with what he was given.  

When I feel myself slip into the pull of repetition in my daily routine I try to stop and mindfully ask myself "Am I in a place of acceptance or rejection right now? Am I maximizing this moment? Am I learning and growing from this experience?" Although we can't control what happens around us, through controlling your reactions and with some thoughtful reflection you could end up changing yourself. When you change yourself -- that's when things start to change around you and only then can you wake up to a different day.  

Strengthening the Muscle

I recently went to a bridal shower for an acquaintance in my community.  She was in her late 30's and had never moved away from home before.  Everyone at the shower was so impressed that she had been able to take such a huge leap. About a year after making this move she had found her soul mate and was about to get married. I sat there somewhat bewildered.  I did a quick tally in my head and figured out that I had moved 18 times on my own since the age of 18.   Was I missing something here? Why was she being applauded and rewarded for making one move in her whole life? 

One of my teachers gave a beautiful analogy.  The tests we are given in life are the weights that strengthen our spiritual muscles and G-d is our personal trainer.  A person who coasts through life without any resistance also doesn't build up any muscle because there was nothing for them to strengthen themselves against. It occurred to me that this woman was being applauded because she'd never weight trained before! She needed the encouragement because for her that one move took all the strength she had.  Each time I had one of my 18 moves I was being strengthened and trained to push myself harder. G-d keeps throwing me additional weight because He knows I have more strength in me that He can draw out. There is a Jewish saying "Lefum Tzaara Agra" which literally means "As the suffering so is the reward" or the more colloquial phrase: NO PAIN, NO GAIN.  

As much as it hurt to admit to myself, all these challenges I keep getting thrown are really for my benefit and are in themselves my reward.  Are there times I feel like I can't push anymore...YES!  Are there times when the pain is excruciating...YES!  But I know that I have the BEST personal trainer possible and ultimately the results are going to be amazing.  

Embracing the Unwanted

In one of my previous posts I talked about an event we had recently for work.  I've done many of these weekend retreats over the years that I've worked for this organization and it pretty much always goes down the same exact way.  Staying up late and not getting any sleep, having to work with conflicting personalities, grunt work, complaining guests; you name and I've pretty much dealt with it.  

There is a famous Jewish story about two rabbis who get thrown into prison during one of their exiles together.  The guards had put a huge "relief" pot for the prisoners in the middle of the room and the rabbis despaired that they wouldn't be able to learn with this pot sitting there which is what they wanted to do more than anything.  One of the rabbis said to the other one, "It's true we can't learn but we can dance around this pot which we usually can't do."  So they embraced the situation and sang and danced around the pot.  The prison guards rushed in demanding to know what the commotion was about.  When they found out the rabbis were singing and dancing around the pot they quickly removed it.  

There are many times in life where we are given situations that we're not happy about or that we feel block us from getting what we really want.  If we show G-d that we are accepting what He is giving us in happiness, it is usually then that the situation goes away and we are able to receive what it really is that we desire. 

In the case of the stressful weekend, this year I decided to embrace the situation, enjoy it and go with the flow despite any discomfort that came up.  Conflicting personalities = compliments and conversation.  Staying up late = laughing and making it fun.  Grunt work = finding a friend to help me do it and making funny IPhone videos together.  Complaining guests = empathy. You know what? It was the BEST weekend I've ever done! When I embraced the situation, accepted it and tried to make the best of it all my frustration melted away and it turned into the experience I really wanted to have.  

The Long & Winding Road

The last few months at work we had been planning a weekend retreat in the mountains in upstate New York. After all the months of intense planning we finally had the retreat this past weekend. On Thursday afternoon I left work early and took the train from Manhattan to Poughkeepsie where I met up with my boss.  I had called ahead of time and scheduled a cab to pick us up and take us to the resort and like clockwork as soon as I got out of the train station in Poughkeepsie the cabbie was there waiting for us.  

As soon as he opened the door to his van I knew we were in for an adventure.  The seats were covered in woven mexican rugs and there were no arm rests on the seats.  As soon as we shut the doors he slammed his foot down on the gas and I had to grab onto the seat with both hands to keep from sliding all over the van.  Not 10 minutes into the trip he signaled right and pulled off into a gas station.  Unprofessional, but I figured it was an emergency nature calling situation so forgivable.  We sat there in the van with the windows cracked in stifling heat for at least 10-12 minutes blocking 3 pumps at this gas station.  By this point we were trying to figure out a contingency plan for getting to the resort.  

Finally the cabbie came ambling along calmly carrying a cold drink and a couple of bags of snacks.  My boss and I looked at each other like "What the heck?"  Could you imagine being in a cab or an uber in Manhattan and the guy pulling off for a 10 minute break? We were relieved to be back en route especially me after already having travelled a 1.5 hour leg of the journey up until this point.  After a half hour in the car I could tell that we weren't in Kansas anymore.  Signs of civilization were few and far between and all you could see for miles were green rolling hills and occasional pools of water here and there.  

The roads started to get incredibly windy and twisty the further from civilization we got. One would usually slow down once you hit terrain like this but our driver not only continued along at the same speed but increased his speed. I held onto my seat for dear life in the back trying not to go flying all over the van.  My boss yelled up to him that he missed the turnoff for the road to the resort and he slammed on the breaks about 5 feet past the turnoff.   

I grabbed a plastic bag and braced myself as a wave of nausea overtook me.  After backing up and getting himself back en route we were at the resort about 7 minutes later.  I got out of the car and breathed deeply filling my lungs with the fresh country air while trying to steady myself from our rollicking 45 minutes in the van.  

It occurred to me that this situation I had experienced is not so different from the windy, twisty road of life.  There are unexpected stops along the way that I never saw coming and wasn't necessarily happy about it.  There have been uncomfortable moments that lasted much longer than I would have preferred and there were times when I felt I was being pushed to my limits and like I couldn't take anymore.  This experience gave me perspective that in the BIG picture of life, situations that we find unpleasant or uncomfortable really don't last that long.  Even though they're painful and feel like they take forever to pass through when we're in them we WILL eventually pass through them.  G-d knows what He's doing driving us on the road of our lives.  It may be painful, uncomfortable and at times unbearable but if we just grab on tight and hold on long enough we'll get to the beautiful resort He's got waiting for us at the end of our journey.  All we have to do is sit back, relax and trust the driver. 

Shake it Off and Step Up

I've always rooted for the underdog. There's something about seeing someone who has triumphed over obstacles that is really inspiring.  One of my favorite Jewish stories is about a farmer who tosses his donkey with a broken leg into a dirt pit and attempts to bury him figuring his best days are behind him. Hold on...I know this is not starting out well but you'll see where I'm going with this in a minute.  It does get inspiring!  The farmer starts to dig dirt and shovel it down on top of the donkey.  Each time he feels a shovel full of dirt fall on top of him the donkey shakes it off.  As the dirt begins to pile up he shakes it off and steps up on top of the dirt that came down on the shovel full before.  He's not operating on full capacity with the broken leg but each time the dirt comes down he shakes it off and steps up.  Eventually all the dirt that came down created a mound that was high enough for him to use to climb out of the pit.  

What was ultimately meant to bury him he used to walk right out of the pit.  This happens to all of us in life, too.  We take hits; we have situations we're not expecting or difficult people in our lives that are unavoidable.  Each pile of dirt that G-d shovels down on top of us is an opportunity to elevate ourselves to another level of growth.  It's not always easy to shake off a difficult situation and there are times when you could potentially be working with a "broken leg" but I promise you if you can shake each situation off and step up you will come out of that pit a whole lot stronger and operating on a whole other playing field. 

Walking Through the Door

About a month ago I was asked by an acquaintance to meet with a journalism student who recently participated in a Jewish study program and was growing in her Judaisim.  Being a woman who worked in media, went through journalism school and grew in my own Judaism I agreed to meet with her to try and pay it forward.  We met up for about an hour after I got off work and I spent most of the time filling her in on my backstory.  At the end of the conversation she asked me a question.  "I'm having a really difficult time with my living situation right now.  I'm just growing apart from my roommates and I got offered this really amazing opportunity for a spot in on campus housing for a fraction of what I'm paying now.  They don't have openings very often but my roommates are going to be furious with me. Should I take it?" YES!!! I advised her.  "Not only should you take it but you should RUN!" 

It happens pretty often in life that we get into situations where we feel like we're stuck.  You try this, nothing.  You try that, nothing.  Unfortunately you can't force something to happen...you go on the job interview but whether or not you get the job is out of your control to a certain extent after you put in your due diligence.  Really the only thing you can control is your response to situations and people you come into contact with.  There are times in life when G-d opens doors for us.  They're not always the doors we thought we would walk through but nevertheless they are the doors that lead us forward.  

There is a story in Judaism that when Moses and the Jews were fleeing Egypt and they came up to the sea they became trapped when they realized that the Pharoah of Egypt had pursued them with his army from behind.  Talk about stuck! One of the Jews jumped into the sea and when he had walked in up to his nose the sea began to split.  It is said that in the merit of his faith G-d caused the sea to split.  I explained to this girl that oftentimes in life if we don't walk through the door in front of us G-d causes a situation to be so uncomfortable that it is the only way out.  I cautioned her that her situation might get worse unless she chooses to move forward and the door that was open in front of her might be closed if she waited too long to go through it.  

Likewise with our situation above.  Had the Jews hesitated a moment too long they would have been captured by the Egyptians and their door would have been closed as well.  A few weeks after our meeting I emailed this girl to follow up and see how everything was going.  She told me after many tears she did end up taking the on campus housing.  Her roommates are still not talking to her but she realized it was the right thing to do.  She also told me that because she was so upset about the whole thing she visited the Dean of her school to see about graduating a semester early so she could go learn in Israel for a bit before jumping straight into career mode.  She hadn't previously thought it was possible but it turned out it is and she will be graduating a semester early in the end.  That's the thing about walking through the door...you never know where it's going to lead you.  

Waiting for the Ice Cream

A few weeks ago I went to visit a family that I'm close with.  I have baby sat their 5 year old since she was 2.5 years old and I hadn't seen her recently.  I arranged with her mother to come over that Sunday afternoon and spend some quality time with her.  My plans were to take her to the park and out for ice cream. Her mother warned me beforehand that she had recently lost a couple of teeth and her OT had given her a quarter to celebrate.  She proceeded to approach and stick her hand out demanding a quarter to anyone she could find and was cleaning up! Sure enough when I got to their house this little girl came up to me, stuck her hand out and demanded that I give her a quarter. In that moment I realized that it's the same situation with us and G-d.  

How many time do we pray and pray for something, "Give me a quarter! Please, just give me 1 quarter.  PLEASE!!! I just want a quarter!!! You have all this money just give me 1 quarter!"  I looked at her and thought "Kid, if you only knew that I'm about to take you to the park for 2 hours just you and me and take you to the ice cream store and buy you ANY KIND of ice cream you want.  That is worth SO MUCH more than 1 quarter!" She had no idea what was waiting for her JUST 10 minutes into the future if she would just hold on and be patient.  

It's the same thing with us.  I know personally there are things that I have prayed and prayed for years for and I am still waiting.  This idea gave me a perspective that although intellectually I knew I was never really able to conceptualize before. What G-d can dream for us is bigger than anything we can request from Him ourselves. Now when I feel myself have moments of frustration and demanding the quarter I try to stop, take a breath and remember that G-d is going to give me something so much greater than what I'm asking for.  We just have to sit patiently and wait for the ice cream.  

Spiritual Tracking System

This year I thought I was waaaay ahead of the game.  I emailed my accountant practically the second I received my W2.  The initial filing went pretty smoothly and I was excited that he was able to do online processing again this year which presumably meant I'd have my refund direct deposited into my account, same as last year, within the next 2-3 weeks.  Oh how wrong I was. After passing the 2 week mark I grew concerned.  By the 3 week mark I was mildly worried and then once the 6 week mark hit I had convinced myself that it had gotten permanently waylaid somewhere and that there must have been some problem and I wouldn't be getting a refund at all.  You can be sure that every week after I emailed my accountant without fail demanding an update as to my missing tax refund.  The first couple of emails he humored me with a simple, "They're running behind but it's on the way." By the 4th email he just ignored me.  

How many time in life do we do we do this to ourselves? We take actions to get something for ourselves whether it's dating or a job or a house or whatever it is that we've taken actions towards and are waiting for.  When we don't get what we want WHEN we want it we freak out! Exhibit A with my story above :)  I know as well as anyone that you have a certain way you envision your life unfolding but it doesn't always go on your timeline unfortunately.  

In my case I was exasperated to the point of finally turning to my old stand by "Professor Google."  Sure enough he led me directly to the IRS tracking system for filed tax returns.  After entering some information I was able to pull up my account which produced a timeline indicating the date it was submitted, processing status and finally when it was due to be sent to me.  You know what I saw? According to their system my refund was due to be direct deposited to my account the VERY NEXT day! After all my worrying and freaking out they were on top of it the whole time.  I just had to be patient, trust the system and ride it out.  It's the same way in life with all these other situations.  We do our due dilligence, trust G-d has our back and ride it out.  He has infinite ways and means to get us what we need and where we need to be.  Although it's not as easy as entering some information online He's constantly keeping tabs on your own personal timeline and keeping everything right on schedule. 

The Message from the Puppet

Living in the New York area you can hear some interesting words thrown around as you go through your day.  Tonight I happened to hear some pretty harsh ones directed at a friend of mine due to a pushing incident on the train commute home.  My friend was involved in the incident and it seemed that the 2 parties parted ways once they found their seats on the train.  4 stops later after ruminating on her wounded ego the other person marched over to my friend and spat out some choice words which I will not repeat but you get the idea.  My friend sat silently and took it and the other person marched back to her seat having spoken her peace.  

There is an idea in Judaism that EVERYTHING that happens to us and EVERY person we interact with is divinely orchestrated for our best interest.  So how could something like this incident I witnessed today be a positive teaching tool? That's something my friend would have to personally reflect on.  If I have an experience that's uncomfortable or unpleasant for me I try to hit pause, pull myself up and out of the situation and reflect from an outside perspective.  What am I supposed to be getting from this person or situation right now?  

Last week I took a skirt of mine to get tailored.  It was waaay too big on me and I was practically swimming in it.  The time had come.  I thought the tailor had made the proper adjustments but when I returned a week later the skirt was STILL waaaay too big and I've had to wait another week to pick it up.  As this is a skirt I wear fairly often I was kinda annoyed.  What did I extrapolate from this situation? Patience and acceptance. These have been 2 major stumbling blocks for me throughout my life and you usually see the same patterns of trip ups come around over and over and over again until you break your reaction pattern and change the way you're responding to these triggers.  I find that once you're able to master your response the triggers usually go away.  Of course new tests tend to pop up in their place but that's the beauty and joy of life! :)  Try to keep in mind the next time you encounter a difficult person or unpleasant situation that this is a puppet being used to communicate a message to you.  Don't engage in the puppet show, just sit back, watch and try and figure out what the show is about.

Getting What You Need

Today's highlight for me was meeting with my learning partner Mel at the CBTL across the street from my office.  We just started learning together last week but already I'm LOVING it.  She always asks interesting questions and is so invested in really applying what we discuss and learn together.  In general we're learning about topics in faith and trusting in G-d's providence over our lives.  We usually start off with a basic schmooze and then get into the nitty gritty topics.  Today we talked about letting go of what we can't control and accepting our lives as they come to us.  Easier said than done! Just 5 minutes before I had to explain to a visiting French tourist that I like my ice coffee how I like it while repeating my order of a "decaf ice coffee with no sugar added chocolate powder, whipped cream and light on the ice" to the barista.  We're human beings and I think it's a natural part of our wiring to want what we want when we want it.  We're not naturally equipped with the quality of patience or "being happy with our lot." Unfortunately for many of us it's really a struggle and a muscle that takes time for us to strengthen.  

After we shmooze Mel always asks me for the game plan on how to go about achieving the elusive qualities we've been discussing. In this week's case it was patience and acceptance.  This week I answered her with a story.  When I was learning in Israel I had a roommate who always presented something of an enigma to me and who I could never quite figure out.  Eventually I realized her self-confidence was her guiding beacon shining over her flaws and attracting every guy within a 10 mile radius to her door.  This girl was not only the center of their universes but hers as well! I remember having a conversation with her about something in my life only to have her cut me off mid-sentence and start talking about herself.  She hated children and didn't know how to cook and yet yearned to be married and start a home of her own.  Needless to say she ended up settling on one of her pursuers and not long after I found out she had twins, a boy and a girl.  I'm not gonna lie, at first it stung...a lot! Being single in your mid-30's is no picnic and I couldn't figure out the proverbial question of "why her and not me?" Suddenly it occurred to me, she needs those things and right now I don't.  Growing up the oldest of 4 kids I did my share of taking care of my younger brothers and sisters.  As much as I wanted to have kids of my own, this woman NEEDED to have kids of her own.  Being married and having kids forces you to put someone in the center besides yourself and while she was used to getting she wasn't used to giving which is what marriage and having kids is.  

Although it was a bitter pill for me to swallow I realized what I want must not be what I NEED right now.  Mel followed up with, "How can you not be jealous?" My advice to her and to you (and what I tell myself) is focus on what is UNIQUELY you! When I feel those feelings creeping up from that dark place inside I do a mental inventory of all my unique qualities and a review of all the AMAZING experiences I've had in my life that have brought me to this point.  Let's face it -- no one can own your life or walk in your shoes better than you so I say stand tall, walk proud and try and be grateful and gracefully accept the puzzle pieces as they get sent to you.  I know it's hard to see the bigger picture now but as that puzzle starts to come together the view from above is going to be BEAUTIFUL! Just take it piece by piece. 

Clarity in the Midst of Chaos

I finished the day today out of breath and a little bit deflated.  I spent the earlier part of my day running around Manhattan literally hopping in an uber and going from midtown to the uber east side of town.  On the way back from setting up for a conference call my uber got caught in cross town lunch time traffic.  After dealing with a buzzing phone, Skype and a Go to Meeting set up I was more than relieved to bury my phone in the bottom of my purse and enjoy the rest of my ride back in silence especially after my boss What's App'ed me to see if I could come back to the conference call. 

Crawling back to the west side through traffic I decided to power down and return to center. Trying to maintain equilibrium in the city that never stops is a challenge but in those few moments that were gifted to me today I decided to 'carpe diem' and try to tap into that still small voice inside.  I have to say that just looking up at the grandeur of the city I operate in everyday gave me a sense of awe that I rarely stop to tap into.  Switching from a state of "DO" to "BE" really helped me to connect to myself and take my emotional pulse so to speak.  

I actually was reminded by a friend tonight of a relevant commuting story.  I was part of the standing room only crew one morning on my way into New York Penn Station standing next to a woman seated next to me on my left wearing a NY Times ID badge a laptop positioned open on her lap, an iphone next to it and a blackberry clasped in her hand.  After fidgeting with the devices for several minutes she opted to power down and put all her electronics away.  LITERALLY 2 minutes later after going through tech withdrawal she whipped everything back out again and was plugged right back into where she had left off.  She could not just sit and be with herself for 2 minutes.  

We don't realize how the constant distractions of life and our false sense of being "plugged in" could actually be pulling us away from plugging into ourselves and our higher power up above as well.  Take a minute to disconnect during the day and connect to yourself and the Big Guy up above.  Today it saved me and really provided the sense of clarity, calm and connection I needed to power through the rest of the day.  

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