Did you ever wake up in the morning, hit the snooze button on your alarm clock and think "Ugh...not this day again?" I can definitely say that I've felt this way once or twice :) Every morning on my walk to the train I see the same two ladies walking with the baby stroller and the same crossing guard directing traffic at the intersection at the end of my block. When you're stuck in the daily pattern of your life it can sometimes start to feel like you're trapped in a repetitive cycle of events that don't seem to be changing.
In one of my favorite movies,"Groundhog Day," the lead character is stuck living the same day over and over and over again. Initially he tries to manipulate the situations for his personal gain but that doesn't break the cycle. Then he decides to reject the situation and end his life to get out of it. That doesn't work either. Only when he accepts his situation and tries to make the best out of it does he finally wake up to a different day.
There is a famous Jewish story about Reb. Zusha and how when he was passing away he cried, "
When I pass from this world and appear before the Heavenly Tribunal, they won't ask me, 'Zusha, why weren't you as wise as Moses or as kind as Abraham,' rather, they will ask me, 'Zusha, why weren't you Zusha?' Why didn't I fulfill my potential, why didn't I follow the path that could have been mine."
Many times in life we have a vision of how we expect things to be. Ultimately we're not in control of how our life unfolds but only our reaction to the things that happen around us. What Reb. Zusha was worried about was not whether or not he was able to change his path and best someone else in what they accomplished, but if he was able to embrace HIS OWN path and maximize the potential of what he could have accomplished with what he was given.
When I feel myself slip into the pull of repetition in my daily routine I try to stop and mindfully ask myself "Am I in a place of acceptance or rejection right now? Am I maximizing this moment? Am I learning and growing from this experience?" Although we can't control what happens around us, through controlling your reactions and with some thoughtful reflection you could end up changing yourself. When you change yourself -- that's when things start to change around you and only then can you wake up to a different day.
I recently went to a bridal shower for an acquaintance in my community. She was in her late 30's and had never moved away from home before. Everyone at the shower was so impressed that she had been able to take such a huge leap. About a year after making this move she had found her soul mate and was about to get married. I sat there somewhat bewildered. I did a quick tally in my head and figured out that I had moved 18 times on my own since the age of 18. Was I missing something here? Why was she being applauded and rewarded for making one move in her whole life?
One of my teachers gave a beautiful analogy. The tests we are given in life are the weights that strengthen our spiritual muscles and G-d is our personal trainer. A person who coasts through life without any resistance also doesn't build up any muscle because there was nothing for them to strengthen themselves against. It occurred to me that this woman was being applauded because she'd never weight trained before! She needed the encouragement because for her that one move took all the strength she had. Each time I had one of my 18 moves I was being strengthened and trained to push myself harder. G-d keeps throwing me additional weight because He knows I have more strength in me that He can draw out. There is a Jewish saying "Lefum Tzaara Agra" which literally means "As the suffering so is the reward" or the more colloquial phrase: NO PAIN, NO GAIN.
As much as it hurt to admit to myself, all these challenges I keep getting thrown are really for my benefit and are in themselves my reward. Are there times I feel like I can't push anymore...YES! Are there times when the pain is excruciating...YES! But I know that I have the BEST personal trainer possible and ultimately the results are going to be amazing.
In one of my previous posts I talked about an event we had recently for work. I've done many of these weekend retreats over the years that I've worked for this organization and it pretty much always goes down the same exact way. Staying up late and not getting any sleep, having to work with conflicting personalities, grunt work, complaining guests; you name and I've pretty much dealt with it.
There is a famous Jewish story about two rabbis who get thrown into prison during one of their exiles together. The guards had put a huge "relief" pot for the prisoners in the middle of the room and the rabbis despaired that they wouldn't be able to learn with this pot sitting there which is what they wanted to do more than anything. One of the rabbis said to the other one, "It's true we can't learn but we can dance around this pot which we usually can't do." So they embraced the situation and sang and danced around the pot. The prison guards rushed in demanding to know what the commotion was about. When they found out the rabbis were singing and dancing around the pot they quickly removed it.
There are many times in life where we are given situations that we're not happy about or that we feel block us from getting what we really want. If we show G-d that we are accepting what He is giving us in happiness, it is usually then that the situation goes away and we are able to receive what it really is that we desire.
In the case of the stressful weekend, this year I decided to embrace the situation, enjoy it and go with the flow despite any discomfort that came up. Conflicting personalities = compliments and conversation. Staying up late = laughing and making it fun. Grunt work = finding a friend to help me do it and making funny IPhone videos together. Complaining guests = empathy. You know what? It was the BEST weekend I've ever done! When I embraced the situation, accepted it and tried to make the best of it all my frustration melted away and it turned into the experience I really wanted to have.
The last few months at work we had been planning a weekend retreat in the mountains in upstate New York. After all the months of intense planning we finally had the retreat this past weekend. On Thursday afternoon I left work early and took the train from Manhattan to Poughkeepsie where I met up with my boss. I had called ahead of time and scheduled a cab to pick us up and take us to the resort and like clockwork as soon as I got out of the train station in Poughkeepsie the cabbie was there waiting for us.
As soon as he opened the door to his van I knew we were in for an adventure. The seats were covered in woven mexican rugs and there were no arm rests on the seats. As soon as we shut the doors he slammed his foot down on the gas and I had to grab onto the seat with both hands to keep from sliding all over the van. Not 10 minutes into the trip he signaled right and pulled off into a gas station. Unprofessional, but I figured it was an emergency nature calling situation so forgivable. We sat there in the van with the windows cracked in stifling heat for at least 10-12 minutes blocking 3 pumps at this gas station. By this point we were trying to figure out a contingency plan for getting to the resort.
Finally the cabbie came ambling along calmly carrying a cold drink and a couple of bags of snacks. My boss and I looked at each other like "What the heck?" Could you imagine being in a cab or an uber in Manhattan and the guy pulling off for a 10 minute break? We were relieved to be back en route especially me after already having travelled a 1.5 hour leg of the journey up until this point. After a half hour in the car I could tell that we weren't in Kansas anymore. Signs of civilization were few and far between and all you could see for miles were green rolling hills and occasional pools of water here and there.
The roads started to get incredibly windy and twisty the further from civilization we got. One would usually slow down once you hit terrain like this but our driver not only continued along at the same speed but increased his speed. I held onto my seat for dear life in the back trying not to go flying all over the van. My boss yelled up to him that he missed the turnoff for the road to the resort and he slammed on the breaks about 5 feet past the turnoff.
I grabbed a plastic bag and braced myself as a wave of nausea overtook me. After backing up and getting himself back en route we were at the resort about 7 minutes later. I got out of the car and breathed deeply filling my lungs with the fresh country air while trying to steady myself from our rollicking 45 minutes in the van.
It occurred to me that this situation I had experienced is not so different from the windy, twisty road of life. There are unexpected stops along the way that I never saw coming and wasn't necessarily happy about it. There have been uncomfortable moments that lasted much longer than I would have preferred and there were times when I felt I was being pushed to my limits and like I couldn't take anymore. This experience gave me perspective that in the BIG picture of life, situations that we find unpleasant or uncomfortable really don't last that long. Even though they're painful and feel like they take forever to pass through when we're in them we WILL eventually pass through them. G-d knows what He's doing driving us on the road of our lives. It may be painful, uncomfortable and at times unbearable but if we just grab on tight and hold on long enough we'll get to the beautiful resort He's got waiting for us at the end of our journey. All we have to do is sit back, relax and trust the driver.
