I woke up this morning on the proverbial "wrong side of the bed." I knew the minute my feet hit the floor that something was off and I needed to course correct if I wanted to make the best out of the day ahead of me. I also knew that I was meeting up with Mel, my study partner, today and that showing up to our meeting with a scowl on my face would shatter her image of me as a paragon of self actualization. At that moment I had a decision to make.
Happiness is a choice every moment of the day. Do I give up my happiness to fear, anger, sadness and frustration OR do I choose to be happy in spite of what I can't control and what is not meeting my expectation/s?
There is a Jewish story about The Maggid of Mezritch. His students questioned him as to how it was possible to be happy in life for both the good and the seemingly bad? He told them that they would find out the answer to their question if they went to visit Reb. Zusha. They travelled to his home and found him dressed in worn and torn clothes sitting in a dilapidated house. They asked him their question and he replied puzzled, "I really don't know why he sent you to me. You should find someone who's really suffering and ask them that question." To Reb. Zusha everything was good because he made the choice internally to accept it and be happy no matter what the external reality looked like.
When we let the emotions of our unmet expectations overtake us it doesn't actually serve us in a positive way. It only increases personal suffering and doesn't change the situation. If you're waiting for this to happen before you're happy or that to change before you're happy or for that purchase before you're happy then you're constantly on the treadmill putting your happiness in the hands of something external to yourself. It's pretty empowering to shift perspective and realize that the choice is ultimately yours.
I did end up meeting with Mel today and she shared with me some of the challenges she has been going through. I told her that perfect is never gonna happen and we have to get complete with life how it comes. She told me that she sees how I choose to be happy despite the circumstances and challenges of my life. Little did she know that some days it's harder to make that choice than others.
Growing up I always had this vision in my mind of how I wanted things to be. I was going to get married to guy "X" by 29, have my first kid by the age of 30 and have written my first book by the age of 35. Did any of those things happen? NO! None of those things happened. In fact if you would have told me that this was the way my life was going to unfold I would have laughed in your face followed by a big, "Yah, right!" That's the thing about being the oldest child with the "overachiever" mentality...you believe that if you push hard enough and keep yourself focused you can achieve anything. Life doesn't always turn out the way we envision it and the struggle becomes, "What's next?" For me the answer was accepting what's in front of me and appreciating it while simultaneously letting go and opening myself up to what lies ahead down the road and around the corner. Piece of cake right?
I read a story once about a little girl who had hoped for a party at home with friends for her birthday. She had not been privy to any plans but she felt fairly certain her parents would surprise her. The day came and the hours passed and still no friends and still no party. She observed her parents with expectant longing waiting for them to surprise her but it never happened. Resigned to the reality of the situation she locked herself in her room and refused to come out despite her parents exhortations. What she didn't realize however was that her parents were on the other side of the door holding birthday balloons and waiting to drive her to a surprise party where her friends were waiting for her at her favorite restaurant.
When we get "locked up" on the one way we're convinced something has to happen we cut ourselves off from other options we might not have even realized were possible. Although we may have a certain way we envision our lives unfolding, G-d has ENDLESS ways to send gifts and blessings into our lives. He is able to give things to us and bring us to places in ways we didn't even know were possible. When you come out of your vision and let go of holding on so tight to the one way you imagined something happening you open yourself up to other possibilities. It might not happen on your time table and it might not happen the way you thought it would but there is a good chance it will happen and it will be beyond anything you could have conceived. Are there still things I'm waiting for? YES. But I've learned to be more flexible about how these things could come to me. For now I've learned to sit back, relax and enjoy the adventure along the way. Give it a try. All you have to do is take the first step: open up the door and let go. You have no idea what surprises could be waiting for you on the other side.
There is this one conductor on the train into New York on my morning commute who always seems to get me in the right frame of mind for the day. Usually by the time I hit the train Monday morning I'm already psyched out trying to brace myself for the challenges of the work week to come. Without fail as soon as we roll into Penn Station this conductor is wishing us all a safe and pleasant day and even reminding us to chug water on these New York City summer scorchers. Every time I hear his cheerful announcements it never fails to trigger a mental switch which helps me get the day started with a positive attitude and a sunny disposition. "You know what, he's right! It IS going to be a great day!"
There is a Jewish idea that what you believe you perceive or your thoughts create your reality. There is a well known story about a man who was constantly in a bad mood and always had a frown plastered on his face. He was extremely unpleasant and no one in his town wanted to be around him as he projected his negativity out wherever he went. One of the rabbi's in the town told him to wear this mask with a smiling face on it for the next 30 days and by the end of that time they would remove it and see if his attitude had changed at all. Wouldn't you know that by the end of the 30 day test period when they removed the mask this man had a permanently plastered smile across his face. After living under the pretense of being a happy person he began to believe himself what he was trying to make others believe about him.
I try to keep this idea in mind whenever I begin to feel my thoughts get the better of me and try to push me down the rabbit hole. Acting "as if" can not only change your outlook and what you're projecting out but what you're creating for yourself as well. Some days it's as simple as locking onto a pleasant wish from a train conductor and building off of that.
