Shake it Off and Step Up

I've always rooted for the underdog. There's something about seeing someone who has triumphed over obstacles that is really inspiring.  One of my favorite Jewish stories is about a farmer who tosses his donkey with a broken leg into a dirt pit and attempts to bury him figuring his best days are behind him. Hold on...I know this is not starting out well but you'll see where I'm going with this in a minute.  It does get inspiring!  The farmer starts to dig dirt and shovel it down on top of the donkey.  Each time he feels a shovel full of dirt fall on top of him the donkey shakes it off.  As the dirt begins to pile up he shakes it off and steps up on top of the dirt that came down on the shovel full before.  He's not operating on full capacity with the broken leg but each time the dirt comes down he shakes it off and steps up.  Eventually all the dirt that came down created a mound that was high enough for him to use to climb out of the pit.  

What was ultimately meant to bury him he used to walk right out of the pit.  This happens to all of us in life, too.  We take hits; we have situations we're not expecting or difficult people in our lives that are unavoidable.  Each pile of dirt that G-d shovels down on top of us is an opportunity to elevate ourselves to another level of growth.  It's not always easy to shake off a difficult situation and there are times when you could potentially be working with a "broken leg" but I promise you if you can shake each situation off and step up you will come out of that pit a whole lot stronger and operating on a whole other playing field. 

Walking Through the Door

About a month ago I was asked by an acquaintance to meet with a journalism student who recently participated in a Jewish study program and was growing in her Judaisim.  Being a woman who worked in media, went through journalism school and grew in my own Judaism I agreed to meet with her to try and pay it forward.  We met up for about an hour after I got off work and I spent most of the time filling her in on my backstory.  At the end of the conversation she asked me a question.  "I'm having a really difficult time with my living situation right now.  I'm just growing apart from my roommates and I got offered this really amazing opportunity for a spot in on campus housing for a fraction of what I'm paying now.  They don't have openings very often but my roommates are going to be furious with me. Should I take it?" YES!!! I advised her.  "Not only should you take it but you should RUN!" 

It happens pretty often in life that we get into situations where we feel like we're stuck.  You try this, nothing.  You try that, nothing.  Unfortunately you can't force something to happen...you go on the job interview but whether or not you get the job is out of your control to a certain extent after you put in your due diligence.  Really the only thing you can control is your response to situations and people you come into contact with.  There are times in life when G-d opens doors for us.  They're not always the doors we thought we would walk through but nevertheless they are the doors that lead us forward.  

There is a story in Judaism that when Moses and the Jews were fleeing Egypt and they came up to the sea they became trapped when they realized that the Pharoah of Egypt had pursued them with his army from behind.  Talk about stuck! One of the Jews jumped into the sea and when he had walked in up to his nose the sea began to split.  It is said that in the merit of his faith G-d caused the sea to split.  I explained to this girl that oftentimes in life if we don't walk through the door in front of us G-d causes a situation to be so uncomfortable that it is the only way out.  I cautioned her that her situation might get worse unless she chooses to move forward and the door that was open in front of her might be closed if she waited too long to go through it.  

Likewise with our situation above.  Had the Jews hesitated a moment too long they would have been captured by the Egyptians and their door would have been closed as well.  A few weeks after our meeting I emailed this girl to follow up and see how everything was going.  She told me after many tears she did end up taking the on campus housing.  Her roommates are still not talking to her but she realized it was the right thing to do.  She also told me that because she was so upset about the whole thing she visited the Dean of her school to see about graduating a semester early so she could go learn in Israel for a bit before jumping straight into career mode.  She hadn't previously thought it was possible but it turned out it is and she will be graduating a semester early in the end.  That's the thing about walking through the door...you never know where it's going to lead you.  

Waiting for the Ice Cream

A few weeks ago I went to visit a family that I'm close with.  I have baby sat their 5 year old since she was 2.5 years old and I hadn't seen her recently.  I arranged with her mother to come over that Sunday afternoon and spend some quality time with her.  My plans were to take her to the park and out for ice cream. Her mother warned me beforehand that she had recently lost a couple of teeth and her OT had given her a quarter to celebrate.  She proceeded to approach and stick her hand out demanding a quarter to anyone she could find and was cleaning up! Sure enough when I got to their house this little girl came up to me, stuck her hand out and demanded that I give her a quarter. In that moment I realized that it's the same situation with us and G-d.  

How many time do we pray and pray for something, "Give me a quarter! Please, just give me 1 quarter.  PLEASE!!! I just want a quarter!!! You have all this money just give me 1 quarter!"  I looked at her and thought "Kid, if you only knew that I'm about to take you to the park for 2 hours just you and me and take you to the ice cream store and buy you ANY KIND of ice cream you want.  That is worth SO MUCH more than 1 quarter!" She had no idea what was waiting for her JUST 10 minutes into the future if she would just hold on and be patient.  

It's the same thing with us.  I know personally there are things that I have prayed and prayed for years for and I am still waiting.  This idea gave me a perspective that although intellectually I knew I was never really able to conceptualize before. What G-d can dream for us is bigger than anything we can request from Him ourselves. Now when I feel myself have moments of frustration and demanding the quarter I try to stop, take a breath and remember that G-d is going to give me something so much greater than what I'm asking for.  We just have to sit patiently and wait for the ice cream.  

Spiritual Tracking System

This year I thought I was waaaay ahead of the game.  I emailed my accountant practically the second I received my W2.  The initial filing went pretty smoothly and I was excited that he was able to do online processing again this year which presumably meant I'd have my refund direct deposited into my account, same as last year, within the next 2-3 weeks.  Oh how wrong I was. After passing the 2 week mark I grew concerned.  By the 3 week mark I was mildly worried and then once the 6 week mark hit I had convinced myself that it had gotten permanently waylaid somewhere and that there must have been some problem and I wouldn't be getting a refund at all.  You can be sure that every week after I emailed my accountant without fail demanding an update as to my missing tax refund.  The first couple of emails he humored me with a simple, "They're running behind but it's on the way." By the 4th email he just ignored me.  

How many time in life do we do we do this to ourselves? We take actions to get something for ourselves whether it's dating or a job or a house or whatever it is that we've taken actions towards and are waiting for.  When we don't get what we want WHEN we want it we freak out! Exhibit A with my story above :)  I know as well as anyone that you have a certain way you envision your life unfolding but it doesn't always go on your timeline unfortunately.  

In my case I was exasperated to the point of finally turning to my old stand by "Professor Google."  Sure enough he led me directly to the IRS tracking system for filed tax returns.  After entering some information I was able to pull up my account which produced a timeline indicating the date it was submitted, processing status and finally when it was due to be sent to me.  You know what I saw? According to their system my refund was due to be direct deposited to my account the VERY NEXT day! After all my worrying and freaking out they were on top of it the whole time.  I just had to be patient, trust the system and ride it out.  It's the same way in life with all these other situations.  We do our due dilligence, trust G-d has our back and ride it out.  He has infinite ways and means to get us what we need and where we need to be.  Although it's not as easy as entering some information online He's constantly keeping tabs on your own personal timeline and keeping everything right on schedule. 

The Message from the Puppet

Living in the New York area you can hear some interesting words thrown around as you go through your day.  Tonight I happened to hear some pretty harsh ones directed at a friend of mine due to a pushing incident on the train commute home.  My friend was involved in the incident and it seemed that the 2 parties parted ways once they found their seats on the train.  4 stops later after ruminating on her wounded ego the other person marched over to my friend and spat out some choice words which I will not repeat but you get the idea.  My friend sat silently and took it and the other person marched back to her seat having spoken her peace.  

There is an idea in Judaism that EVERYTHING that happens to us and EVERY person we interact with is divinely orchestrated for our best interest.  So how could something like this incident I witnessed today be a positive teaching tool? That's something my friend would have to personally reflect on.  If I have an experience that's uncomfortable or unpleasant for me I try to hit pause, pull myself up and out of the situation and reflect from an outside perspective.  What am I supposed to be getting from this person or situation right now?  

Last week I took a skirt of mine to get tailored.  It was waaay too big on me and I was practically swimming in it.  The time had come.  I thought the tailor had made the proper adjustments but when I returned a week later the skirt was STILL waaaay too big and I've had to wait another week to pick it up.  As this is a skirt I wear fairly often I was kinda annoyed.  What did I extrapolate from this situation? Patience and acceptance. These have been 2 major stumbling blocks for me throughout my life and you usually see the same patterns of trip ups come around over and over and over again until you break your reaction pattern and change the way you're responding to these triggers.  I find that once you're able to master your response the triggers usually go away.  Of course new tests tend to pop up in their place but that's the beauty and joy of life! :)  Try to keep in mind the next time you encounter a difficult person or unpleasant situation that this is a puppet being used to communicate a message to you.  Don't engage in the puppet show, just sit back, watch and try and figure out what the show is about.

Getting What You Need

Today's highlight for me was meeting with my learning partner Mel at the CBTL across the street from my office.  We just started learning together last week but already I'm LOVING it.  She always asks interesting questions and is so invested in really applying what we discuss and learn together.  In general we're learning about topics in faith and trusting in G-d's providence over our lives.  We usually start off with a basic schmooze and then get into the nitty gritty topics.  Today we talked about letting go of what we can't control and accepting our lives as they come to us.  Easier said than done! Just 5 minutes before I had to explain to a visiting French tourist that I like my ice coffee how I like it while repeating my order of a "decaf ice coffee with no sugar added chocolate powder, whipped cream and light on the ice" to the barista.  We're human beings and I think it's a natural part of our wiring to want what we want when we want it.  We're not naturally equipped with the quality of patience or "being happy with our lot." Unfortunately for many of us it's really a struggle and a muscle that takes time for us to strengthen.  

After we shmooze Mel always asks me for the game plan on how to go about achieving the elusive qualities we've been discussing. In this week's case it was patience and acceptance.  This week I answered her with a story.  When I was learning in Israel I had a roommate who always presented something of an enigma to me and who I could never quite figure out.  Eventually I realized her self-confidence was her guiding beacon shining over her flaws and attracting every guy within a 10 mile radius to her door.  This girl was not only the center of their universes but hers as well! I remember having a conversation with her about something in my life only to have her cut me off mid-sentence and start talking about herself.  She hated children and didn't know how to cook and yet yearned to be married and start a home of her own.  Needless to say she ended up settling on one of her pursuers and not long after I found out she had twins, a boy and a girl.  I'm not gonna lie, at first it stung...a lot! Being single in your mid-30's is no picnic and I couldn't figure out the proverbial question of "why her and not me?" Suddenly it occurred to me, she needs those things and right now I don't.  Growing up the oldest of 4 kids I did my share of taking care of my younger brothers and sisters.  As much as I wanted to have kids of my own, this woman NEEDED to have kids of her own.  Being married and having kids forces you to put someone in the center besides yourself and while she was used to getting she wasn't used to giving which is what marriage and having kids is.  

Although it was a bitter pill for me to swallow I realized what I want must not be what I NEED right now.  Mel followed up with, "How can you not be jealous?" My advice to her and to you (and what I tell myself) is focus on what is UNIQUELY you! When I feel those feelings creeping up from that dark place inside I do a mental inventory of all my unique qualities and a review of all the AMAZING experiences I've had in my life that have brought me to this point.  Let's face it -- no one can own your life or walk in your shoes better than you so I say stand tall, walk proud and try and be grateful and gracefully accept the puzzle pieces as they get sent to you.  I know it's hard to see the bigger picture now but as that puzzle starts to come together the view from above is going to be BEAUTIFUL! Just take it piece by piece. 

Clarity in the Midst of Chaos

I finished the day today out of breath and a little bit deflated.  I spent the earlier part of my day running around Manhattan literally hopping in an uber and going from midtown to the uber east side of town.  On the way back from setting up for a conference call my uber got caught in cross town lunch time traffic.  After dealing with a buzzing phone, Skype and a Go to Meeting set up I was more than relieved to bury my phone in the bottom of my purse and enjoy the rest of my ride back in silence especially after my boss What's App'ed me to see if I could come back to the conference call. 

Crawling back to the west side through traffic I decided to power down and return to center. Trying to maintain equilibrium in the city that never stops is a challenge but in those few moments that were gifted to me today I decided to 'carpe diem' and try to tap into that still small voice inside.  I have to say that just looking up at the grandeur of the city I operate in everyday gave me a sense of awe that I rarely stop to tap into.  Switching from a state of "DO" to "BE" really helped me to connect to myself and take my emotional pulse so to speak.  

I actually was reminded by a friend tonight of a relevant commuting story.  I was part of the standing room only crew one morning on my way into New York Penn Station standing next to a woman seated next to me on my left wearing a NY Times ID badge a laptop positioned open on her lap, an iphone next to it and a blackberry clasped in her hand.  After fidgeting with the devices for several minutes she opted to power down and put all her electronics away.  LITERALLY 2 minutes later after going through tech withdrawal she whipped everything back out again and was plugged right back into where she had left off.  She could not just sit and be with herself for 2 minutes.  

We don't realize how the constant distractions of life and our false sense of being "plugged in" could actually be pulling us away from plugging into ourselves and our higher power up above as well.  Take a minute to disconnect during the day and connect to yourself and the Big Guy up above.  Today it saved me and really provided the sense of clarity, calm and connection I needed to power through the rest of the day.  

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