Getting What You Need

Today's highlight for me was meeting with my learning partner Mel at the CBTL across the street from my office.  We just started learning together last week but already I'm LOVING it.  She always asks interesting questions and is so invested in really applying what we discuss and learn together.  In general we're learning about topics in faith and trusting in G-d's providence over our lives.  We usually start off with a basic schmooze and then get into the nitty gritty topics.  Today we talked about letting go of what we can't control and accepting our lives as they come to us.  Easier said than done! Just 5 minutes before I had to explain to a visiting French tourist that I like my ice coffee how I like it while repeating my order of a "decaf ice coffee with no sugar added chocolate powder, whipped cream and light on the ice" to the barista.  We're human beings and I think it's a natural part of our wiring to want what we want when we want it.  We're not naturally equipped with the quality of patience or "being happy with our lot." Unfortunately for many of us it's really a struggle and a muscle that takes time for us to strengthen.  

After we shmooze Mel always asks me for the game plan on how to go about achieving the elusive qualities we've been discussing. In this week's case it was patience and acceptance.  This week I answered her with a story.  When I was learning in Israel I had a roommate who always presented something of an enigma to me and who I could never quite figure out.  Eventually I realized her self-confidence was her guiding beacon shining over her flaws and attracting every guy within a 10 mile radius to her door.  This girl was not only the center of their universes but hers as well! I remember having a conversation with her about something in my life only to have her cut me off mid-sentence and start talking about herself.  She hated children and didn't know how to cook and yet yearned to be married and start a home of her own.  Needless to say she ended up settling on one of her pursuers and not long after I found out she had twins, a boy and a girl.  I'm not gonna lie, at first it stung...a lot! Being single in your mid-30's is no picnic and I couldn't figure out the proverbial question of "why her and not me?" Suddenly it occurred to me, she needs those things and right now I don't.  Growing up the oldest of 4 kids I did my share of taking care of my younger brothers and sisters.  As much as I wanted to have kids of my own, this woman NEEDED to have kids of her own.  Being married and having kids forces you to put someone in the center besides yourself and while she was used to getting she wasn't used to giving which is what marriage and having kids is.  

Although it was a bitter pill for me to swallow I realized what I want must not be what I NEED right now.  Mel followed up with, "How can you not be jealous?" My advice to her and to you (and what I tell myself) is focus on what is UNIQUELY you! When I feel those feelings creeping up from that dark place inside I do a mental inventory of all my unique qualities and a review of all the AMAZING experiences I've had in my life that have brought me to this point.  Let's face it -- no one can own your life or walk in your shoes better than you so I say stand tall, walk proud and try and be grateful and gracefully accept the puzzle pieces as they get sent to you.  I know it's hard to see the bigger picture now but as that puzzle starts to come together the view from above is going to be BEAUTIFUL! Just take it piece by piece.