Lately I've felt stuck in a rut not really seeing any forward motion from hard work I've been putting in towards some of my personal goals. Needless to say it's been frustrating. What happened to all my hard work, I wondered? All my "blood, sweat and tears?" Does it just evaporate into nothingness?
There is an idea in Judaism that every action you take or prayer you utter has an effect, if not now then later. As above, so below -- there are repercussions to everything we do in this world it just sometimes takes time to see their effects, like a stone tossed in the water it takes time for the ripples to disseminate out.
A couple of weeks ago I got a What's App message from one of my dear friends in England. I had picked up my phone to see 10 What's App messages from her, then 11, then 12, then 13, then 14. They kept increasing and not only that but it was at least two o'clock in the morning her time. Okay, "What's going on?" I wondered. I picked up my phone and read through her messages somewhat in disbelief.
About 3 years ago someone had written an article about inspiring Jewish quotes and I had contributed one of my favorite quotes along with a short sentence describing why I connected to it and found it inspiring. That day my friend had What's App'ed me she saw my name and the quote posted on the Facebook status of her former neighbor. He had been involved in a terrible life threatening accident several years ago and had posted it on the anniversary of the accident saying how grateful he was to have survived.
What are the chances that my friend would see my quote with the sentence I wrote posted on her former neighbor's Facebook wall? The truth was I submit that quote and afterwards thought nothing of it. After hearing this story I got major goosebumps. You may be standing there flipping the switch and not seeing the light but somewhere in the world the light is shining for someone.
So what was the quote I submit to this article and that my friend's neighbor posted on his Facebook page? I'm sure you're wondering... :)
"The salvation of G-d came come in the blink of an eye."
--Pesikta Zutreta, Esther 4:17
No matter how bleak something may look, salvation could be just around the corner. God can change everything in the blink of an eye. This quote teaches us to always have hope; redemption can come at any moment.
We are officially in the last two weeks before the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashana. The name of the game now is personal growth and how we maximize ourselves to get the most out of the big day.
For me that means going over my personal growth goals from last year and figuring out if I hit my projections or if I came up short. In addition it means setting a few new goals moving forward. Yes, this means reflecting on our successes but as much as we might try to avoid it, it also means taking an honest look at and evaluating where we could put in some more effort as well.
No goal will work however if it's not backed by the two secret ingredients of self confidence and self esteem. If my goal is not gossiping about other people and from the get go I walk around saying, "I'll never be able to watch what I say about other people, I'm not a rabbi!" Then our self-limiting belief about our personal success in this area is killing it from the get go and you're dead in the water.
King Soloman said, "The door turns on its hinge and the lazy man on his bed." Rabbi Pincus translates the hinge in this analogy as a person's self concept and goes on to say that "The way you define yourself is the level you assign yourself."
We can only open a door as far as the hinge will allow the door to swing. When you have a limiting self concept you're preventing the door to a higher level of possibilities in your life from opening. When you are able to really work on your goals and believe that you not only can but will achieve them the door swings open and the sky is the limit. I wish you all much success in achieving your goals this new year and may the door to much blessing swing open for you.
We have officially hit that time of year, the prelude to Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year. Without fail the minute I'm 30 days out I start to get my game plan together so I can hit the ground running full momentum, game on. There's an idea in Judaism that before our spiritual review on Rosh Hashana it's a good idea to do a "cheshbon ha nefesh" a literal accounting of the soul or annual report on your life over the course of the last year.
This year I have to admit I was less than excited in the time leading up to the 30 days and frankly lagging a bit behind with my soul searching. I know where I came from last year, I know what I accomplished this past year but what's my projection for the coming year? Things didn't exactly turn out the way I had hoped they would and in fact there were many things that occurred that left me scratching my head in confusion. "How does this fit into my bigger picture?" I wondered.
One of my favorite authors, Rabbi Pincus, presents an idea that your life could be compared to a construction zone. Before construction begins the plan is drawn up and you're able to see the end embedded in the beginning. The result is seen reflected in the inception of the plans and you're able to visualize the outcome. Once you commence construction things can sometimes happen unexpectedly: unforseen delays, you end up spending more money than you thought you would, mistakes, messes, etc. In fact people walking by your construction site might even take in the mess and wonder, "What the heck are they building here? It's indiscernible that it could be any kind of structure at all."
Each challenge that we face during our construction process adds an important element to the completed structure of our lives. That challenge during childhood? It poured the concrete and laid your foundation. The years of work it took working on your anger issues; that built the framework of your building. The struggle to find work after 3 years of being laid off...reinforced storm doors that can weather anything.
The same goes for us in our lives. You draw up your personal game plan decked out with your goals and personal intentions and set to work but not always do our plans sync up with the reality of G-d's master plan. The important thing is to remember that the effort and intention is what counts and each thing that seems like a delay or inconvenience is really helping add to the beauty of the finished structure. It's true we may not be clued in to the grand plan of how everything will ultimately turn out but who knows? What looks like a hole in the ground now with skeletal beams and random piping might some day soon come to rival the Chrysler Building.
I was talking to one of my friends the other day about the wonderful world of dating and she gave me so much inspiration through our conversation. She had been an "older" single and hadn't gotten married until she was in her mid 40's. At the end of our conversation I thanked her and told her that no one else is able to inspire me the way she does. She said that maybe this was the reason she had to be single for so long? So that she could have the tools to help others in the same position she was in.
There is an idea in Judaism that every soul is equipped with exactly the tools they need to accomplish their goals in this world. I heard a story told that before each soul comes down they ask G-d for challenges (tools) in order to help them accomplish their unique goals during their time on earth. "If you give me this I'll be able to achieve that," or "If I go through that experience it will help me do this."
We may complain and ask ourselves questions like, "Why did I have to go through this experience?" or "Why did I get stuck with these relationships?" but each situation we are in and each interaction we have is a custom tailored "tool" to help us achieve our goals in this world. As much as my friend loathed her single years though her resilience and with her unique brand of humor she is able to use the "tool" of her painful experience for the greater goal of helping all the rest of us continue to keep our smiles as we muddle through the same situation ourselves.
I had a series of challenges recently one after the other they came fast and furious. I vented my frustration to a friend who reassured me this meant that something amazing was coming around the corner. I thought maybe she had misheard me so I paused and asked her, "Did you not hear what I was just telling you? One after the other...boom, boom, boom." She reassured me again that this meant that something amazing was in store for me right around the corner.
There is a concept in Judaism of "Yeridah t'zorech aliyah" which literally means descent for the purposes of ascent. If you think about it anytime in life where you need propulsion there is a period of exertion or descent before hand: jumping down on a diving board to go up, taking a running head start in order to get momentum for a big jump or even the pulling back of a slingshot in order to launch something a great distance.
It's only through being pushed to your limits that you are able to move forward to a greater place in life. You may think that each challenge is setting you back further and further but really each challenge is an opportunity which will ultimately propel you farther in the bigger picture.
Now when hit with a challenge I try to remind myself that I'm not moving backwards, I'm being set up for a major fast forward. It doesn't minimize the struggle of the challenge when I'm in it but it definitely helps give me the strength to push through with thoughts in my head of my impending launch.
I woke up this morning on the proverbial "wrong side of the bed." I knew the minute my feet hit the floor that something was off and I needed to course correct if I wanted to make the best out of the day ahead of me. I also knew that I was meeting up with Mel, my study partner, today and that showing up to our meeting with a scowl on my face would shatter her image of me as a paragon of self actualization. At that moment I had a decision to make.
Happiness is a choice every moment of the day. Do I give up my happiness to fear, anger, sadness and frustration OR do I choose to be happy in spite of what I can't control and what is not meeting my expectation/s?
There is a Jewish story about The Maggid of Mezritch. His students questioned him as to how it was possible to be happy in life for both the good and the seemingly bad? He told them that they would find out the answer to their question if they went to visit Reb. Zusha. They travelled to his home and found him dressed in worn and torn clothes sitting in a dilapidated house. They asked him their question and he replied puzzled, "I really don't know why he sent you to me. You should find someone who's really suffering and ask them that question." To Reb. Zusha everything was good because he made the choice internally to accept it and be happy no matter what the external reality looked like.
When we let the emotions of our unmet expectations overtake us it doesn't actually serve us in a positive way. It only increases personal suffering and doesn't change the situation. If you're waiting for this to happen before you're happy or that to change before you're happy or for that purchase before you're happy then you're constantly on the treadmill putting your happiness in the hands of something external to yourself. It's pretty empowering to shift perspective and realize that the choice is ultimately yours.
I did end up meeting with Mel today and she shared with me some of the challenges she has been going through. I told her that perfect is never gonna happen and we have to get complete with life how it comes. She told me that she sees how I choose to be happy despite the circumstances and challenges of my life. Little did she know that some days it's harder to make that choice than others.
Growing up I always had this vision in my mind of how I wanted things to be. I was going to get married to guy "X" by 29, have my first kid by the age of 30 and have written my first book by the age of 35. Did any of those things happen? NO! None of those things happened. In fact if you would have told me that this was the way my life was going to unfold I would have laughed in your face followed by a big, "Yah, right!" That's the thing about being the oldest child with the "overachiever" mentality...you believe that if you push hard enough and keep yourself focused you can achieve anything. Life doesn't always turn out the way we envision it and the struggle becomes, "What's next?" For me the answer was accepting what's in front of me and appreciating it while simultaneously letting go and opening myself up to what lies ahead down the road and around the corner. Piece of cake right?
I read a story once about a little girl who had hoped for a party at home with friends for her birthday. She had not been privy to any plans but she felt fairly certain her parents would surprise her. The day came and the hours passed and still no friends and still no party. She observed her parents with expectant longing waiting for them to surprise her but it never happened. Resigned to the reality of the situation she locked herself in her room and refused to come out despite her parents exhortations. What she didn't realize however was that her parents were on the other side of the door holding birthday balloons and waiting to drive her to a surprise party where her friends were waiting for her at her favorite restaurant.
When we get "locked up" on the one way we're convinced something has to happen we cut ourselves off from other options we might not have even realized were possible. Although we may have a certain way we envision our lives unfolding, G-d has ENDLESS ways to send gifts and blessings into our lives. He is able to give things to us and bring us to places in ways we didn't even know were possible. When you come out of your vision and let go of holding on so tight to the one way you imagined something happening you open yourself up to other possibilities. It might not happen on your time table and it might not happen the way you thought it would but there is a good chance it will happen and it will be beyond anything you could have conceived. Are there still things I'm waiting for? YES. But I've learned to be more flexible about how these things could come to me. For now I've learned to sit back, relax and enjoy the adventure along the way. Give it a try. All you have to do is take the first step: open up the door and let go. You have no idea what surprises could be waiting for you on the other side.
